I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
