I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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