Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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