He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
