Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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