Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
