Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i out mim tonsoeep
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