I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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