i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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