My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
