I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
