His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
