i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
