I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
