Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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