She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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