you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
