Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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