thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
