drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
