Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
