I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
