Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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