Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
