he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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