Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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