3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
