What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
