I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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