Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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