porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
