this beer tastes like vomit already
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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