so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
