I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
