Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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