She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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