I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
