The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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