Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Success! We fucked roommates!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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