I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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