i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
