I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
