no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
