Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
