Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's never too late to be topless.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
