i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have already put on my inside pants.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
