never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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