So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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