one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
