i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
