Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
