If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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