He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just had sex on a roof
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
