I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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